i am what i have eaten

As I sit on my planning time munching on a piece of chocolate, I realize I have eaten almost a whole bag of Hershey’s miniatures since Monday.  That is in addition to all the other crap I have consumed in my post MAP testing – buying a house – living 400 miles from my husband with two crazy sons week. 

There.  I said it.  You know my weakness right up front.

In the last 9 months I have done even worse.  I weigh more today than I did the days I gave birth to Sarah, Bubba, or Dude (not all combined but it could come close!).  My clothes don’t fit.  My skin is not great.  I don’t feel attractive enough for Hubs.  I have become fat and I jiggleEverything hurts – my back, my knees, my pride, my gut from my waistband being too tight. I don’t like being this way.

Since Hubs left for Nevada (said Nuh vA (long a) duh) in July I have put on a ton of weight (about 30 lbs to give you a ball park figure).  I have used the excuse that I have been stressed (YES I AM STRESSED!!) but really I’m just lazy.  I drive through when I could slice and dice.  I grab candy off the counter when there is fresh (and clean) fruit in the fridge.  I sit on the couch watch TV with an elliptical machine looking over my shoulder.

I am lonely.  I need accountability.  I need to say know when my kids ask for junk instead of being glad that they want McDonald’s for dinner.  I need to get motivated.

I have a goal weight. (ideal is 135. reasonable is 150. realistic is 165.  OMG! I am telling the world what I want to weigh which means you all can figure out how far I have really let myself go!)  I have decided on my rewards (shoes, clothes, another tattoo. a nose ring).   I know what to do, I know how to get there, I know why I should.  Yet I can’t seem to get started.


Do you struggle with this?  How have you gotten going with a healthy lifestyle.  Who holds you accountable?

Will you help me?


1 Comment

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One response to “i am what i have eaten

  1. I struggle with my weight too. I’m currently dieting to get back to a weight, that 5 years ago I considered heavy and caused me to diet then!

    I hold myself accountable – like you are saying, my weight gain is my own fault- I won’t make excuses – I ate too much (and rubbish at that) and exercised too little or not at all. If I broke it, I’ve got to be the one to fix it. I’m the one that sees my body in the mirror every day and dislikes what I see – so if that isn’t motivation to change, I don’t know what is!!

    I feel for you though – because I’m an emotional eater too – and it’s a really hard thing to overcome – mostly because I don’t even realise I’m doing it until it’s too late sometimes. The way I’ve gone about fixing this, is by trying to create good habits – at the moment I’m doing a 30 day diet from a book which tells me what to eat all day, every meal and every snack is laid out – so I can’t get around it. Hopefully by the end of the 30 days, I’ll have a better idea of what a ‘good meal’ looks like in terms of content and size.

    I wish you all the best of luck with your goals!

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