Monthly Archives: June 2010

the ant wars

We have ants. 
BAD.
Really bad.

Well, probably not that bad but when I keep finding them in the house I consider it an infestation.

Here is a time line of our conflict:

May 22: Ants spotted in the dog food.  All dog food is thrown away.  The ant trails are sprayed.  The bowls and floor are scrubbed.  At this point I am not too concerned- this happened with the cat food in our first apartment.  Once everything was cleaned the ants never returned.
June 6:  A few ants begin reappearing in/around front door area.
June 7: Front porch is saturated with Raid Ant and Roach killer.
June 12: Hubs cleans out my car.  He throws all remnants of cereal, french fries, chips, and other miscellaneous crumbs into yard.
June 13: Mega ant trails are spotted.  I yell at Hubs for giving the ants a reason to stick around.  I declare war on the ants and spray another entire can of Raid on their trails. 
June 15: No sign of the ants.  I declare V.I.C.T.O.R.Y.  Bugs… don’t mess with me!
June 23: Stragglers begin to appear.  I liken it to people coming out after a nuclear meltdown.  They were staggering and looked lost.  I stomped on them- put them out of their misery.
June 26: The ants reappear.  I SCREAM!! Then sweep them away.  I will not be beat.
June 27: A dead June bug is spotted on the front porch.  I consider it collateral damage- a casualty of the war with the ants.  Later in the day, about a million ants begin carrying off the dead bug.  I spray half a bottle of Wasp Killer on the ants (by this point I have run out of ant killer) and drown the ants.
June 28: Hubs wakes up to ants in the sink and on the window sill.  They have also swarmed a bottle of Children’s Tylenol (actually- Target brand version because I am too cheap for the real stuff and it was all recalled anyway).  He joins the war, finds a bottle of ant killer in the garage (apparently it was there yesterday and I didn’t know it), and doused the outside of the house under the window and doors. 
While I am sweeping the family room, I move the furniture and find Cheeze-Its under the couch.  I blame the kids for our ant infestation and make a new rule- No food or drink outside the kitchen.
I decide the whole house needs to be scrubbed with Bleach and Amonia.  Just kidding- I know what happens when you mix those things.  Instead I get in my car and head to Wal-Mart for more ant killer.
The boys and I go on a “nature walk” in the yard looking for the colony.  We spray bug killer in every possible ant hole.

During lunch, Hubs asked if it was time to call the Orkin Man.  I am cheap so I don’t want to but if the ants keep coming back it will be time to call in reinforcements. 

My questions today:  How much is too much?  When do you say “No more bugs!” and call in the professionals?  Do you have a non-chemical way of keeping the ants at bay?  Who is the bug slayer in your house?  Am I crazy??

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diet pills don’t work

Diet pills don’t work.  I know this.  I get so mad at the tv and radio commercials that say “take this pill, eat whatever you want and still lose weight.”  I hate the pictures in magazines that show before and after.  These are either photo-shopped or a lot more has been done that just taking the pills.  I know it is not that simple.

I get it.  To lose weight you have to burn more calories than you take in.  plain and simple.  There are lots of ways to get there but diet pills are not the answer.

Yet, yesterday, I lost my mind and decided I was done being fat and I wanted a quick fix.  I decided I didn’t have to work for it if I just took two pills 15 minutes before each meal.  My thought was, I won’t be hungry and I will have a lot of energy to keep up with the boys and I will be skinny by the end of the summer and when I go home everyone will think I look amazing and I will just smile and say I don’t know how I did it and I will be popular and people will flock to me because I am skinny and beautiful and… and… and…

See, I told you yesterday this staying at home thing is making me lose my mind!  And if it hasn’t yet, the diet pills did.  OH! MY! GOD!!!  I thought I was going to die!!!  I was shaking, nauseous, thirsty.  You name a bad feeling and I probably felt it yesterday.  It was awful.  How do people do this all of the time?? Is this what it feels like to be on drugs?  (because I have never done an illegal drug in my life and I am pretty proud of that fact!)  WHAT WAS I THINKING???

Soooooo here are my thoughts on my own weight loss process: 
*I have a lot to lose (50 lbs or more). 
*I know how to do it. 
*I need accountability.  (Because Bubba and Dude are not making sure I don’t eat the bad stuff).

Here are some of my physical health accomplishments:
*after each of my 3 pregnancies I have dropped EVERY SINGLE pound of baby weight within a couple of weeks with doing little more than losing sleep.  (Please don’t shoot me… I know that is not normal and believe me, it doesn’t stay off)
* I have been very successful on many different diet plans where I get to eat what I want and not prepackaged foods.  (think Weight Watchers and the now out of business, LA Weight Loss)
*I don’t like working out but would be totally buff if I had someone pushing me- you know in the last 5 years I have run 4 half marathons (that’s 13.1 miles times 4, folks) and 1 Warrior Dash (a 5K with 12 crazy obstacles and a lot of mud) and I have NOT TRAINED FOR ANY OF THEM!!!  I pretty sure that qualifies me as a freak.  Can you imagine how H.O.T. I would be if I actually worked it?

So what is my problem??  I am lazy.  I have said it before.  I tried to take diet pills yesterday because I wanted the E-Z way to being skinny.  The problem is IT IS NOT EASY!!  If I want to look good, I have to work for it.  It is pretty simple.

So…
Who wants to come to the middle of nowhere (well not really but there is not a ton around here) a be my personal trainer?  For free, of course.  I will be a great “case study” for you.  You can take pictures of my fat gut and then put them next to “smokin’ hot bod” pictures of me in your portfolio. 

Seriously, what keeps you motivated?  Who holds you accountable?

And, I am dying to know… have you ever done anything “stupid” or crazy in your quest for beauty?  I want to hear all the ridiculous things you have tried to get skinny or look good.  I will probably laugh out loud but I promise I won’t hold it against you.

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i thought i wanted this

Most of you that follow me on Twitter or are Facebook friends are well aware of all the changes going in my life.  For those of you new to the story here’s a quick rewind:

Hubs got a new job that took him across the state.  We lived apart of 11 months.  Now we are back together in a tiny house.  The plan was for me to stay at home with the boys (Bubba-4 and Dude-2) and work my Pampered Chef business.

However, I am miserable.  I am lonely.  I am losing my mind.  My boys have become monsters- tantrums, fighting, whining, and destroying things.  I have lost control and have no idea how to regain it.  I tried sticker charts and punishments.  I have tried lots of exercise to wear us out. 

This past weekend Hubs and I went to Chicago for the Warrior Dash.  We left the kids with my family (thanks Mom and Shelle, btw) and had a great time with good friends.  I feel refreshed and ready to try again, I think.

But I have also polished my resume.  I sent it to the local school district, I am sending it to the hospital, a few offices, even retail stores.  Am I a bad mom because I can’t hack it at home with my kids?  I have spent the last 8 years as an elementary(well only 2 years there because that was not a great experience) and middle school teacher, yet I am being eaten alive by my own flesh and blood.

Moms, how do you do it?  How do you stay sane?  What helps keeps your kids from going crazy and destroying your home?  I need your tips, tricks, hints, and help.  Please, share with me or you might read about me or see me on the nightly news before the end of the summer- and not because I am mother of the year!!

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