i thought i wanted this

Most of you that follow me on Twitter or are Facebook friends are well aware of all the changes going in my life.  For those of you new to the story here’s a quick rewind:

Hubs got a new job that took him across the state.  We lived apart of 11 months.  Now we are back together in a tiny house.  The plan was for me to stay at home with the boys (Bubba-4 and Dude-2) and work my Pampered Chef business.

However, I am miserable.  I am lonely.  I am losing my mind.  My boys have become monsters- tantrums, fighting, whining, and destroying things.  I have lost control and have no idea how to regain it.  I tried sticker charts and punishments.  I have tried lots of exercise to wear us out. 

This past weekend Hubs and I went to Chicago for the Warrior Dash.  We left the kids with my family (thanks Mom and Shelle, btw) and had a great time with good friends.  I feel refreshed and ready to try again, I think.

But I have also polished my resume.  I sent it to the local school district, I am sending it to the hospital, a few offices, even retail stores.  Am I a bad mom because I can’t hack it at home with my kids?  I have spent the last 8 years as an elementary(well only 2 years there because that was not a great experience) and middle school teacher, yet I am being eaten alive by my own flesh and blood.

Moms, how do you do it?  How do you stay sane?  What helps keeps your kids from going crazy and destroying your home?  I need your tips, tricks, hints, and help.  Please, share with me or you might read about me or see me on the nightly news before the end of the summer- and not because I am mother of the year!!

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “i thought i wanted this

  1. struggling here as well – and mu kids are NOT home with home – I have a 9 YO that is in elementary school and camp for the summer (9 weeks) and a 3 1/2 YO that is home with me on Mondays. . .I was laid off in january due to the economy. . .i’m a bit lost. . .I’m not in love with being a SAHM – it’s hard work and boring. . .I’m not ashamed to say that – when I worked – I thought it’s what I wanted – but I need more to be fulfilled. . .and I am struggling to find that path as well – hang in there – we are here to support you! I thin putting your resume out there is a great idea – good luck!

    Hillary

  2. Thanks Hillary for your words. I am glad I am not the only one that feels this way. I love my kids but I feel like we are all missing out on something by me being a stay at home mom. I don’t know if there is a right answer but I am trying to figure out what works for us and I want to world to know that this is hard work and I am struggling (and it is okay to admit if they do, too!).

  3. Caryn

    Make YOU time. Easier said than done, I get that. For me, nap times are my heaven on earth. I know your boys don’t take naps (or do they?) but you should make “quiet time” every single day. They have to sit in their rooms, reading a book, watching a movie or whatever it takes to give you some time to do YOU stuff–pedicures, indulgent snacks, taking a nap…etc.

    I also find that making time to spend with Lili, not just having her play AROUND me, has really helped us. She likes the focused attention, and I like her being happy.

    Next, know that’s its OKAY if the house is a wreck, you haven’t showered by the end of the day, and nothing else gets done. Too many people feel like they have to be super woman and most women are NOT cut out for that kind of job title.

    Lastly, it’s OKAY to ask for help!! Some days you just can’t handle it, and everyone knows it. Give your kids away for a day so you can spend some alone time doing whatever you want. They’ll like the change up, and you’ll love the ‘you’ time.

  4. Patty

    Going from full time working mom to full-time stay at home mom is a huge transition. This is our 3rd? week of summer break and I am just now starting to not want to pull my hair out. Granted, Blake, my 6 year old, is going to camp from 9 – 3:30 everyday and Braden, my 2 year old, goes to a sitter twice a week to hold our spot for the school year. So, I am fortunate that I actually get some time to myself. Even so, I go crazy sometimes. By the time DH gets home, I just want to say, he you go, they’re yours now. I am sure it is completely normal. DH, says, “see, you could never be a SAHM!” Then, of course I get offended. Aren’t I suppose to be good at it? I can’t keep up with the house, the laundry, the grocery shopping, and I HATE cooking. I, too, love my kids, but not sure I was “wired” to be the sweet SAHM type. I lose it more at home than I could ever at work. Like I said before, I am starting to get the hang of it, and I think if I could work part-time, that would be perfect. Casey, you, my friend, have an entire other issue. You have not only the full-time to SAHM transition, but you are adjusting to rural life. You probably haven’t met anyone you can call a “friend” yet that you can hang out with and you are getting your house in order (sink too). You have soooo much you are dealing with. Be patient. Your friends and family back “home” will always be here for you. If your decision is to get a job, then, I say, I go get ’em girl!

  5. Michelle

    since i don’t have kids i don’t know if i even have a right to discuss the subject. but i’ll give my two cents anyways. can you afford a sitter at least one day a week? even for a couple hours? just so you can get away for even an hour or two by yourself once a week to do whatever you want. i’ve seen you be a mom at short spurts in the office and i personally think you do an awesome job! at least you care about your kids and yourself and are having this conversation. . . a lot of mom’s don’t give a shit! (i’ve seen it first-hand with some mom’s at the office.) i think this is why lots of moms turn to drugs and alcohol. . .and you haven’t done that so it sounds like you’re in the right direction! 🙂

  6. Lori Thompson

    My advice is this. First of all you may have been a momma for 4 years but you only just started being at SAHM. It’s an adjustment and it takes time. I was 6 months in, had no friends or family within driving distance and found myself searching the internet desperate to find something to help me. And when I did, it was a lifesaver. What I found was a mom’s group and I wouldn’t be here (a happy SAHM) without them. I have made friends, Kaylee has made friends and most importantly I have someone to talk to about how hard it can be. These women have become my family here in Texas. I had to leave Kaylee with one friend over night when Ethan came 3 weeks early and it showed me that I really don’t know what I would do without them.
    As far as keeping the peace at home; from an elementary school teacher persepective, you have to find something that is manageable (meaning it’s not more work that it’s worth) and stick with it. You may have to keep doing it for awhile before the kids will respond, but in the end they will. And lastly if you don’t love staying home, then don’t do it. Your kids will love you either way and they will probably like you a lot more if you are happy!

  7. Cherie

    Casey,

    The hardest job in the world is being a mom! Your kids are at really challenging ages and they too have been through some big changes. Personally, I know I am a better mom for having worked a couple days a week when my kids were little. Some people handle SAHM without a hitch and seem to always have it together (though I am sure they have stressful times as well) and some of us need the outside adult time and mental challenge away from our kids. Pray, pray, pray and then pray some more and your answer will come. Check with the local churches to see if they have “Mother’s day out” programs. You do need to make some time for yourself and your hubby especially after being apart for so long. You are great at your Pampered Chef business and that could be a great outlet for you. I am always willing to have a party! Submit your resume, you can always say no if you get the job. Keep the options open. If you can get through the summer and give them opportunities to meet new friends, you may find that staying home is what you really want in the end.

    One thing I found to be really helpful was to find a fun video for them to watch before lunch that had them getting up and moving, kind of like a kid’s exercise video. Gymboree has some great ones, at least they used to. This is a great time for them to burn some energy while you straighten up and get their lunch ready. It always helped wear them out a little bit for nap after lunch. I found a website where you can order it and with shipping it looks like it would be under $20 http://www.inspiremetoys.co.uk/. That would be well worth it. You can also do some of the activities with them.

    I also agree with a previous blogger, I know why women drink!!

    Good luck,
    Cherie Coletta

  8. Thanks everyone for your responses. I know things will get better (or I will turn to drinking!) and my life is not over because I am not working. I appreciate all of your love, support, and encouragement. I am going to keep on keeping on and try all the things you suggested. Caryn, I already ordered the book. Lori and Cherie, I am looking for Mom’s groups and kid’s workout videos today. You all rock!!! Thank you again!

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