8 years

This would be the year that Sarah would have been in 2nd grade.  April 23 marks 8 yrs since I delivered our stillborn baby girl.  I can’t believe how much time has passed and how much life has been lived since that day.

I remember the ultrasound where we saw that she had stopped growing.  That her heart was no longer beating.  I remember the doctor giving us the news.  I remember the waiting in Stones River Hospital.  Waiting for labor to progress.  Waiting for the pain to be over.  Waiting for an answer.

I remember the feeling of being hit by a truck- the pain of mourning.  I remember the tears.  I remember feeling like I would never be able to move on.  I remember all of the love, support, and encouragement from all of my family, friends, and coworkers.  I remember feeling so alone in our crowed little apartment.

I remember her first birthday and the fear that I was the only one that would think of Sarah.  I remember the fear that my pregnancy with Bubba (and later Dude) would end the same way Sarah’s did.  I remember being afraid of how I would tell people.

8 years later all of that seems so small in comparison to God’s grace.  In the last 8 years, we have been more than blessed.  We have been loved, encouraged, and supported.

Sarah is a part of our family.  When the boys draw pictures of all of us, they always include Sarah with angel wings.  When people ask about our family, I think about how I explain Sarah.  The boys freely tell about their sister in heaven- about their personal angel.

God has used this tragedy to shape and direct our lives.  We know that every second is a blessing.  The hope in meeting our baby in heaven is great.  God is good and we are so lucky to have so much even in such a loss.



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2 responses to “8 years

  1. Thank you for your post. It certainly gives us hope that our baby girl Kyleigh, who was born into Jesus’ arms on April 5, won’t be forgotten by our boys. We could never imagine, but we know how hard it is for little one’s to remember. Grace & peace to you and your family. ~Rodger

  2. Meggan Holt sent me and my husband, Rodger, the link to this post. I know Meggan from college. As my husband stated in his comment, our precious baby girl was stillborn just a few weeks ago. It is a pain like no other and one that seems like it will never go away. Your posts about Sarah are inspiring to me. We seem to have a very similar faith, in that the death of our babies was God’s plan. I posted about this just the other day, before reading your post about Sarah’s Story this evening. Thank you for sharing your story.

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