8 years

This would be the year that Sarah would have been in 2nd grade.  April 23 marks 8 yrs since I delivered our stillborn baby girl.  I can’t believe how much time has passed and how much life has been lived since that day.

I remember the ultrasound where we saw that she had stopped growing.  That her heart was no longer beating.  I remember the doctor giving us the news.  I remember the waiting in Stones River Hospital.  Waiting for labor to progress.  Waiting for the pain to be over.  Waiting for an answer.

I remember the feeling of being hit by a truck- the pain of mourning.  I remember the tears.  I remember feeling like I would never be able to move on.  I remember all of the love, support, and encouragement from all of my family, friends, and coworkers.  I remember feeling so alone in our crowed little apartment.

I remember her first birthday and the fear that I was the only one that would think of Sarah.  I remember the fear that my pregnancy with Bubba (and later Dude) would end the same way Sarah’s did.  I remember being afraid of how I would tell people.

8 years later all of that seems so small in comparison to God’s grace.  In the last 8 years, we have been more than blessed.  We have been loved, encouraged, and supported.

Sarah is a part of our family.  When the boys draw pictures of all of us, they always include Sarah with angel wings.  When people ask about our family, I think about how I explain Sarah.  The boys freely tell about their sister in heaven- about their personal angel.

God has used this tragedy to shape and direct our lives.  We know that every second is a blessing.  The hope in meeting our baby in heaven is great.  God is good and we are so lucky to have so much even in such a loss.