Today I went to a mini reunion of some of my friends from high school. I had a great time visiting with people I haven’t seen in years (most I saw at our 10 yr reunion but a few I had not seen since we graduated almost 15 years ago).
I had a lot of anxiety going into today. I was worried and nervous about how things would go. At our 10 year reunion I had the same feelings and ended up getting obscenely and embarrassingly drunk (I actually haven’t really had much to drink since then- it was that bad). This was an afternoon kid birthday party and I had the boys without the hubs… getting drunk (thank goodness) was not an option.
Last night I hung out with my sister and tried to work out my anxieties- she didn’t understand why I was so nervous. I have been thinking about who I was in high school and what I have become over the last 15 years (my goodness… I feel so old having been out of high school for 15 years).
Here’s what I have come up with:
For a long time I have struggled with how I see myself. I have issues with self esteem and worth that I am sort of working out. I have projected my own issues into how I think people see me. It prevents me from creating and sustaining long term relationships with people. I am not good at keeping up with people because I assume that they aren’t interested in me when I am not around.
Did you know that The Hubs is the only person (besides my family) that I have the longest most consistent relationship with(we have been together 14 years)?
Its as if I graduated from high school and fell of the face of the earth. Then I got married and lost track of my college friends. Every major city move (we are on #4) has brought an end (this isn’t the right word here but i can’t think of the right word) to the relationships built.
Today was really good for me. It was a lot of fun to see my friends. When I introduced the boys to everyone I described them as my best friends from when I was a growing up. I miss these people. I feel bad for not making an effort. My sister says I need to reconnect with my history (she and my brother still hang out with their best friends from elementary and middle school so she is concerned for me- kinda like she was when i joined the band and wore geeky glasses). I think she might be right.
My friends from my childhood are really great people. They have grown into amazing adults with super cool kids. I want to rebuild those relationships.
I would love to reconnect with my college friends and the people that have helped the Hubs and I along the way (in Springfield, Nashville, and St. Louis). I want to be a better friend… to the people of my past and the people in my life right now. Maybe that will be my new years resolution.
What do you think about reunions and old relationships? Do you still keep up with your high school friends?