As you know I have been taking Power House Dance to help me on my journey to wear skinny chick clothes.
At first I thought I was doing okay. Then I looked in the mirror. I was horrified. I looked like a hot, sweaty, blotchy, mess. I decided that I would not look at myself anymore. I started watching other woman in the mirrors and just assumed I looked as good as them.
You know… Smokin hot. Body moving in the right direction at the right time.
Well…As I have started to figure out the moves I am getting more confident in my groove and I have been sneaking some views of myself.
Oh. Lord. It is a wonder how the other women in the class are able to concentrate with me in the same room. I look like a fool. After my first class I said I was like a jumping elephant at the circus. I think that is a generous description of my grace and style. I remind myself of how my children used to dance when they were first learning to walk. To say I have no rhythm is an understatement.
My arms fling when everyone else swings. My legs are going left when everyone else goes right. I am a step behind. I can’t spin/turn/rotate because I get dizzy so I am facing the front while they face the back. I am a lost soul on the dance floor. My body is moving. In my mind it is moving the way everyone else is moving but in reality it is just moving… no rhythm. No groove. No sense of reason for my actions. I end up a sweaty sore mess but I definitely don’t look good in the process.
And so now I must apologize to some people from my past:
I am sorry to my band teacher from high school. Why did you let me play bass drum? I have no rhythm… there was no way we would be able to stay on a beat that I was setting.
I am sorry to the rest of the drum line… Now I know why you guys were always mad at me. I couldn’t march in time because I have no groove.
I am sorry to the girls that I cheered with freshman year… of course we sounded ridiculous since I probably could not chant at the same rate as everyone else.
I am sorry to anyone that tried to dance with me at high school dances or in the clubs during college. Maybe that is why none of those relationships lasted. It is a good thing the hubs has no rhythm either… we are a perfect match.
I am sorry to my clarinet teacher from when I was in elementary school. I still can’t tap my foot correctly when I am playing music.
I am sorry to my RMS friends for the year you let me in their Evolution of Dance Troupe. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t really practice… I probably still would have looked as bad as I did but hey it was fun.
I should probably apologize to the people that worship around me at church. I sing and praise but I am sure it is just as bad with rhythm there. I am sorry for singing loudly and off key and off beat.
I am sorry to all the people in my dance class right now. I might get it one day but for now… please don’t look at me unless you need a good laugh. And don’t worry, I will laugh with you…if my abs don’t hurt too much.